loose control

Why i am crying? Actually i really do not know why i am crying right now. I hate this feelings. It keep hurting me again and again and all over again. Many questions hovering my heads. My mind filled with many things, many questions without any answer. I hate myself. I hate my attitude, always being weak in every hard condition I face through. Dear heart, please be more stronger? I can't stand it when you being hurt always. Please do not break into pieces. I do not know how to fix you after that. Dear heart, I am a hyper super duper sensitive girl and always be a silly paranoid person. I have a very low self-confidence that make me always being hurt by a little small tiny things. Dear heart, i beg you. Please listen to my soul. I need you to be tough in every ups and downs during my daily life. And dear heart, please keep my faith to everyone that I love with all my heart.  I have to change my personal attitude so that they will love me just the way I do.

Yeah, I am not perfect at all. I hurt everyone around me. Actually I want to write a special entry just for keeping my memories into black and white. So that, I won't forget it. But, that entry no longer being writen. Its have been stopped just one hour ago. Just because I have no mood right now. That entry will being post later on and I don't know when. I really in a misery right now. I am now breathless. It was the first time I felt so speechless.  I felt like everyone hates me. I really write this entry according to my broken heart. seriously. Am I that selfish? I am not like that. I care about others more that myself especially for my beloved ones. Maybe I did not realise that I hurt others feelings. Maybe I did not realise how selfish I could be to someone. I am really sorry sayangs. I not that type of person that full with selfishness. I am sorry because I did not realised it. What I am gonna do now? I am gonna to think wisely and make my decision. I should covered back my wrongdoings. I am really sorry. I am full with guilt right now. Oh whats I've done? How can I do that? My heart cried all over again right now. Do you know how its feel right now? I feel like a huge rock smashed onto my chest and broke my heart into little tiny pieces. Do you know how its feel? I am sorry because I do write all of this in my blog. I think I should get it out so that I won't feel down until I can not stand anymore. I am truly sorr